ALEX: A GAY LOVE STORY

Alex. 28. Philippines.

I am a graphic designer for more than a year now. My lifestyle has been circulating between work and home. I am a homeboy type person. I seldom join parties or celebrations. I prefer to work with my PC rather than meeting people from bars, clubs and etc. But, I don’t consider myself as a loner co'z I have a loud circle of friends. We usually talk through Skype or Facebook because we’re all busy now with our different careers. Actually, I am sharing my gay love story to you because I know a lot people from LGBT community can relate to it. My story is not as unique as others do but, I believe it is quite interesting to know.

… fast forward… Back in college on July 2010, in a very hushed Audio Visual Room of the university, I met a guy, Mau, 23 and an IT Student. He was a transferee from other university. For me, he has nice physical features that made me attracted to him; 5’8” in height, athletic built and has dark-skinned beauty. I knew he was a new student in the school because he seemed alone at that time, and I believed it was a good catch for me to talk to him. Like usual first meetings, we got to know each other and I was very glad knowing that we have same interest - Multimedia designing. And, that was the good start of our friendship.

Despite that we’re not in same level, we became close friends. I usually spent my Saturdays and Sundays to his place. Sometimes, we went to different places to unwind for he loves adventure. In fact, he had already traveled to different places with that interest, and Mt. Fuji of Japan is his biggest adventure he had conquered so far. We were really partners in crime wherever we go at that time. We usually talked about family, studies and love lives. I believe that we have great families and our studies got better and better at that point but, we don’t have similar perspective when it comes to love matters.

Mau is straight. He kept on telling me his ideal woman. One time, he felt in love to one of my classmates but, it didn’t work because my classmate is committed at that time. I actually felt bad when I knew he admired someone. It tore me deep inside because I knew everything will change if he has special someone. In fact, Mau did not know that I had an intimate feeling towards him at first. All he knew was, we look each as best buds, nothing more and nothing less.

… fast forward… For more than two years as best friends, I was a graduating student and he was still in his third year at that moment, I had shared a lot to him. It was the time I realized that truth should come out – that I am in love secretly with my best friend. It took me two weeks not to see him because I need space and time to think it over. During our semester break, he was wondering why I acted the way I did. No SMS, emails and calls. I had lots of alibis every time he invited me to go out. Even the death anniversary of my Lolo was used for my excuse and that was funny because my Lolo is still alive until now; he is just in another city.

November 7, 2012. That was the date he confronted me. He visited me in my house without a prior notice. I was really shocked at that moment. When he got in, he hugged me immediately and asked me how I am doing. He dragged me to a couch and started to ask my problems. To my surprise, I was not able to talk and I just gave him fake smile.

Not later than 5 minutes, I started to open up. I was really hesitant at first, but he let me finish talking my sentiments, until I reached the bottom line; that I felt in love to my best friend. After listening, he just smiled back at me and said “I know”. I felt so uneasy hearing those words coming from his mouth. He then later explained to me why he did not allow things to happen. “First, I am straight. I don’t find men attractive. If you think I am to you, you are totally wrong. I consider you as my best friend and I am very happy with that. You will always be my best buddy; nothing more, nothing less.” He said straightforwardly. I was honestly hurt. It took me a moment to understand things. Afterwards, I realized that there is no chance that he will really fall in love to me. That instance proved me that in life, some things are not meant to happen.

… fast forward… After that confrontation, everything was back to normal. We became close friends again. I am glad he did not think differently like other men do when they knew their friends are gays, bisexuals or lesbians. Actually, we were more open to each other now. In fact, if he likes a woman, he tells it to me first before he courts. He always asks my opinion if it is okay to court the girl he finds attractive even though I did not require him to do it.

Today, Mau is working in a BPO company as a Web Designer, and he has a girlfriend for less than a year now. Despite that he is busy with his career, love life and family, he still gives time for us. It is quiet awkward to say that we do friendly dates sometimes, which we usually do during our college days.

I know my story is familiar to some. Sometimes, we fall in love to the people who can’t love us back the way we do. I believe, a lot of gay stories have seemingly same experience to mine. Just a piece of advice, learn to accept things that is really impossible to happen. After all, only you will be much affected if you force it to go off.

My gay love story may not have happy ending as others do, but I am very blissful what had happen for I have learned a lot of things – the value of friendship and acceptance.

This is my gay love story. Alex.